"I do"- "We don't": Bridesmaid Dress Controversy




Happy Bridesmaids=Happy Bride!

  Finding the perfect bridesmaid dress is often as enduring as finding the perfect bridesmaids. Each dress is different in how it glorifies and celebrates its owner, even though they all look good on that skinny-bitch mannequin. But that skinny-bitch mannequin is not your bridesmaid, and your imagination cannot even begin surmise the terror that your size 18 cousin Margaret would feel if you were to turn into Bridezilla and force her into that cap-sleeved, A-line pink disaster that you deem a dress. Frankly, she would rather be diagnosed with diabetes than be escorted down the aisle looking like a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Let’s see to it that your wedding doesn’t become the reason for her sudden gastric bypass surgery.

Always account for the different sizes and shapes of your beautiful (and not-so-attractive) ladies of honor. Some are tall and Amazon-like, and others have never bought anything that did not need to be hemmed. Start as soon as possible. Remember those times in college you and your girls would go to Taco Bell? How long did it take you guys to order? And just how pissed was that poor minimum-wage worker? That minimum-wage worker will be you as you listen to all the suggestions that your girlfriends throw at you. Keep in mind that they will rarely agree on one dress, because that dress only exists in Juicy Couture lounge wear.

Let’s get started.

If you are loaded, get your dresses handmade, not by your Aunt Sally but by a reputable designer. No girl will ever turn down a tailored dress made for her by Michael Faircloth. Designers like him can turn a prostitute into a princess with the right fabric and a couple of fittings. It’ll cost them a few grand, but it’s something they can wear again, right? Don’t count on it, but it is Michael Faircloth… (Sooo worth it).

So you’re not rich, but you’ve decided it’s cool to blow over a hundred g’s on that dream wedding. This will leave your girls working very hard to look better than the flowers. Sometimes it’s good to keep them on their toes. While you’re busy keeping up with the Jones’, they will be poring over bridal websites and making suggestions. This is the best route, providing that everyone is in the same financial boat. Remember, your dresses don’t always have to be the same cut; you make the final decision on that. Allowing your girls to express themselves by sporting a little cleavage or covering up their fat arms with a wrap is a kind gesture, and they will celebrate you for it.

For those of us who have been taken out like trash by the economy, have no fear, David’s Bridal is here. Okay, so it’s not your dream designer but David still has a few tricks up his cheap satin sleeve. For those who seek uniformity with a hint of individuality he’s got what you need. The intercontinental bridal party will have no problem finding a location for this store, as this is crucial when it comes down to fittings. Cousin Margaret may drop forty pounds and turn into a total bitch, but David will be there for her to take that dress in a few prized inches and maybe even poke her with a pin or two. David’s Bridal offers many different styles available in the same dye lots and fabrics so your girls can pick their own affordable dresses without taking food out of their babies’ mouths. All you have to do is set a few boundaries such as length, color, and material.

The length should be appropriate for the time of day: cocktail or tea length for daytime and tea length or long for evening. Floral prints and some colors are reserved for spring and summer only. Use common sense, or what little you have, to determine what’s appropriate. Get a bridal magazine (your mother has a pile waiting for you), and look through it about three times. The first two times you will undoubtedly be drooling over all of the designer wedding gowns, so maybe you can cover the basic do’s and don’ts the third time around.

Your wedding day will be the happiest day of your life however, it will be your bridesmaids' saddest. Those tears they are crying as you gingerly approach the altar are not those of joy, but of jealousy and utter despair. So they deserve to look great too, for their hope is diminishing almost as fast as their wrinkles are appearing. If they know they look good, you have a better chance of them celebrating just how great you look.